What It Means To Be Asian In Asia
**This is a disclaimer that all thoughts are my own. This is how I feel about being Asian in Asia. They are not reflective of other Asians in Asia.
I distinctly remember the first moment I realized I was going to be treated differently in Thailand. It was my second day in the country. I was with two other friends, one male, and one female. We were out exploring Bangkok, as you do. We had rented a Tuktuk for the day and were working on arranging the schedule for the day.
Except…
The driver wasn’t talking to me or my female friend. Only the male.
What?
It took both of us females a second to even realize what was happening. What was even more strange was that I was the one with the plan for the day. Even though I was trying to communicate with the driver, my male friend would have to say everything I said again for the driver to respond.
In hindsight, this was a moment where we should have gotten up and found a different driver. But we were naive and it had only seemed like a small slight at the time.
I understand that this first story is about gender, rather than race, but it was the first incident that made me more aware of the way I was treated; which has then led to the following more racially themed incidents.
BUT LET’S START AT THE BEGINNING…
I’m adopted. I was born in China and raised by a Singaporean mom and a white dad. I was raised in Portland, Oregon. And, besides being completely ignorant about how white the whole state was until a few months ago (more on that a different day) I had loved growing up in Oregon.
It wasn’t really aware of racism growing up. At the time it seemed like a non-issue. I grew up self-identifying as “white” because that’s truly how I felt. Not Asian enough for the Asians I went to school with; self-loathing of Chinese culture because of family issues (again a story for another time) AND I acted white enough to where no one ever questioned that identity.
I had even grown-up traveling to Asia a lot for vacation and felt comfortable enough to navigate this foreign land on my own. So the jolt that things were going to be different in Thailand was surprising to me.
DIFFICULTY GETTING A JOB
When I moved to Thailand, it was to get a job teaching English to Thai students at local schools. Honestly, anyone that does this does it for the perks of getting to live in another country, not necessarily because they love teaching. Think of it as the adult version of studying abroad.
Before getting placed at a school, every candidate meets with the director to talk about teaching and location preferences. During my first interview, I was told that it might take me a long time to get placed into a school. They explained that Thai schools want to hire people who “look like” they come from English speaking countries. AKA they wanted white people.
I ended up getting placed first, in a math position. For high school.
Ironically, I felt overwhelmingly under-qualified and turned the job down. The school pushed for me to take the position over the course of multiple days because they felt that “I looked like I would do well in the part”.
After turning down that job, I was one of the last people to get placed.
This trend somewhat continued once I arrived at my placement. We were told that we could tutor for supplemental income but it was very difficult to get students. Eventually, I stopped trying to get jobs. I was in for a rude awakening when my new white coworkers were able to get several private students within weeks of arriving while I had struggled for months.
GETTING MISTAKEN FOR A LOCAL
One of the things that I get asked about the most is if I can speak Thai after living here for 6 years. The answer is always a fat resounding no. This has ended up being my silent protest to getting confused for a Thai person. In my mind, if I couldn’t speak any Thai at all, people would have to believe I’m not from Thailand.
On more than one occasion, I’ve been mistaken for a local (not just in Thailand) and have had to convince the person that I’m speaking to that I am in fact an American.
On countless occasions, I’ll be eating with white friends at Thai restaurants and the wait staff will only address me in Thai. While this isn’t a big deal, it always ends up creating a small moment of tension when they realize they’ve made a mistake.
The few times this has been a bigger deal was when I was almost arrested because local law enforcement thought I was a prostitute trying to hustle the white friends I was with. Or the time I was almost thrown off a bus because I didn’t have proper documentation (that one was one me but story for a different time) and they thought I was an illegal refugee. I was one of three tourists on the bus. The other two tourists were…white.
These stories aren’t the norm, but the fact that they could happen again always sits in the back of my mind.
PEOPLE TELLING ME WHERE I’M FROM
When you’re an Asian American in Asia, saying that you’re from America isn’t good enough. The dreaded “But where are your parents from” or the “No but where are you really from?” start to enter the conversation. What makes it more confusing is my adoption. My mom is from Singapore, but I was born in China. I only speak English and have no idea who my birth parents are.
When I give people honest answers, people tell me “Well are you sure you’re from China? You look _______ to me”
I’ve found that my story often isn’t good enough for people. Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that makes me feel the need to summarize my life story to answer any unanswered questions.
And after the years have passed, I’ve also taken up lying to people to strangers just to avoid the questions.
HAVING A REALLY SMALL DATING POOL
This is such a small but large thing. But, y’all. My dating pool here….is more like a puddle. One of my big things is not wanting to date guys who “are into Asian girls”. Part of it has to do with my childhood, but another part is just not wanting to be a novelty to someone I’m dating. I hate the idea of feeding into the idea of “yellow fever”.
I honestly can’t imagine a bigger turn-off.
However, in Asia, most men here reaaaaaalllllly like Asian girls. And if it’s not about race, it tends to be about size. In the past 6 years, I’ve found that Thai guys are generally attracted to small skinny white girls. And if the foreign guy isn’t into the local Thai girls, they aren’t into Asians AT ALLL.
So aside from the random tourist who is not planning on staying in Asia, finding meaningful long term relationships here has been difficult.
HAVING TO PROVE MY AMERICAN-NESS
I’ve been told on countless occasions that I’m very *white*. It used to just be a comment I would get a lot, but I never realized until recently how much I try to prove to other people that I’m from America since moving to Thailand. I grew up there. That that is my ***culture***.
Even from a young age, I’ve spent so much time rejecting Chinese culture that to be doubted for my American upbringing was hurtful.
But here, sometimes being treated like a local, not always in the best way, was just another way for me to feel like I didn’t belong.
NOT BEING ASIAN ENOUGH FOR ASIA OR WHITE ENOUGH FOR AMERICA
This honestly might just be me and my identity crisis, but I’ve never felt like I’ve completely fit in here. It would have been different if I was just traveling around Asia, but living here creates a different narrative. I’m wondering if this will still happen in Malaysia, but only time will tell.
ALL THIS TO SAY
These experiences of being Asian in Asia, have only helped me understand myself and the things I want a little better. Yes, these aren’t all positive, but they are real. As I continue to discover myself and what it means to be and look like me, I want to share the journey.
Thailand has been pivotal is me understanding my race and background. It’s helped me see how my upbringing has colored my view of the world and how much I need to unlearn and change. I’m proud to be American. I’m proud of my story. And I’m proud to be experiencing this life to the fullest.
Every single person is going to deal with challenges in their lives, and this just happens to be one of mine.
Much love and rooting for y’all always
-Ari
If you liked this this article, check out the rest of the series, starting here
