The Annual Birthday Blog – 29

I’m 29!

Like most things, it feels really unreal to say. In the past year, my life seems like it’s almost become unrecognizable from anything I could have planned for myself. Most things have happened randomly and I’ve been forced to be flexible and roll with the punches.

But first…

Most of you know that I’m adopted and that my legal birthday was forged for a variety of reasons. If you’re interested in reading about that story, the link is here.

And over the years, it’s become more and more difficult and troublesome to talk about and express. Partly because anyone I do tell will tell me that I have to “pick one” because everyone only gets one birthday or I have to make a split second decision to pick a date when I tell people.

You would think that I’d have gotten pretty good at this by now, but I haven’t and it always causes me anxiety. Add that to a childhood where I was the only one who felt like my birthday was important and it’s honestly just a recipe for disaster.

So, I’ve decided that on socials and for the world, my birthday will be known as March 15th now and forever more. Then, come time for my real birthday, I’ll keep that between my close friends. Pictures might just look like I’ve posted on socials two months late.

At least this year I get to blame it on COVID….

It is weird to think about what I was doing for my birthday last year, and that every day after has felt like such a blur.

Where normally, I feel like an additional year of life doesn’t really feel any different, I find myself looking at my life a little more critically than before. Whether it’s because I’m really starting to feel the weight of my age or my body is slowly breaking down more than normal, this year feels a little different. I mean… I’m almost done with the second decade of my life. It’s Monumental! and outrageous! and… part of living life.

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The highlights:

Reflecting back on my highlights is always my favorite part of my birthday. It’s something that forces me to actually look back at the good things that have happened, even when I feel like the whole year has been a blur.

Moving to Malaysia –

I mean, am I even allowed to talk about anything else first. This move has drastically changed my life, even if I’m trying to decide if it really was for the better (it was, I’m just being dramatic). It’s a move that adds another brick to this life overseas that I’ve built for myself.

It’s something that has propelled my career forward while continuing to let me live my best life.

The most itself wasn’t terrible. But I’ve decided that I hate moving and that I never want to do it again. Partly because, holy shit, the things one person can accumulate in 5 years is stupid. But also just all the damn paperwork that it takes to move in the first place.

I’ve never been one to move around a lot while I was living in the states, so this idea of over consolidating my life to 40kg so they would let me take it on a plane was overwhelming.

Moving to Malaysia has also somewhat felt like moving to a very asian influenced suburb in the states. The access to materials and export goods that I have here is better and cheaper than any I had ever seen in Thailand. The suburb of Mont Kiara itself is known to be expat and family centric, even more contributing to the American suburb feeling.

After these initial 7 months, I know that living here is what is best for me in this moment. Even if it does feel like a lot of the adventure has been taken out of the “living abroad” type of beat I’ve been so used to.

Starting a new job –

This one is obvious. I’ve spoken briefly about this before, but my old work environment, while needed at the time, had become toxic and I had stopped growing as a teacher and a person. I had reached the preverbal ceiling and it was time to move on. I’m not going to claim that this new job is perfect…because it’s definitely not, but I know I’m being stretched and pushed in ways that I need. The pandemic has allowed me to focus on the actual craft of teaching while also giving me a lot of time to think about if this is even the career that I want to pursue for the rest of my life.

Spoiler alert – I’m still not sure.

BUT, I love love love my students. I’m more certain than ever that that’s the reason I teach. It’s not for the sake of learning – which I do love – but it’s to connect and aid young humans to make an impact on the world.

Starting a podcast –

Out of all the things that happened over the past year, this was the one that was unplanned. It was an idea born on a whim that happens to be something that I surprisingly love. Truth be told, I don’t know how long it is going to last and I honestly don’t care, but I’m having fun with it at the moment. I co-host the podcast Girls, Bumfuzzled with one of my good friends, Hayley.

We have the annoying obstacle of trying to record our show with two full time jobs, social schedules, and 15 hour time differences, but we’re making it work.

A new episode comes out every other Thursday on all major podcasting platforms if you wanted to take a listen. ?

Visiting Khao Sok –

Khao Sok has been on my bucket list ever since I moved to Thailand. For those of you who don’t know, it’s this gorgeous national park in the southern part of Thailand. It’s mostly known for the largest manmade lake in the country surrounded by lush jungle and limestone cliffs.

Before I moved, I had a lot of time to kill while I was waiting for my visa approvals and embassy letters and decided to take a trip while I had the time. While I had originally planned on being down there for a week or more, I ended up only staying for about three days before heading home.

While it was still everything I ever dreamed of, I realized how tired I was of traveling alone. It didn’t help that the whole entire park was dead since tourism had just reopened. But, it was one of the last things that I wrote a blog about before taking this insane hiatus.

Shaving my head –

Whooooooeee this is a big one. Shaving my head has undoubtedly shaped (haha) my whole entire year. It gave me perspective and addressed a lot of the issues that I was having with beauty standards.

It (quite literally) forced me to look at myself in a different way. Now, almost a full year later, my hair is finally at a place where I’m comfortable again.

I wish I could say that I was one of the people who felt undeniably sexy with a shaved head, but I didn’t. While it was freeing and exciting, I felt like my femininity and softness had been stripped away. I’ve wondered if I would have felt the same if I was happy with my body at the time, but I don’t know.

At the moment, there are no plans to ever shave my head again, but if I’m being honest, I would be open to it if I felt more confident in other areas of my life. But, it’s still in the highlight section because until the grow out really did start, I felt like a pretty big badass.

It was also one of my most popped off YouTube videos haha

The lessons:

My body is not getting any younger –

28 and honestly a little bit of 27 was a wake up call for my body. Not only am I the biggest and heaviest I have ever been in my life, but I’ve started developing an array of health problems to go with it. My body has carried me through 29 years of my life and it’s time that I start treating it with the respect that it deserves.

I’m not… young anymore and the habits that are created today are ones that I’ll be living with for the rest of my life.

I’ve starting to do little things (although, yes I know there is a lot more than I can do as well) like drinking more water and introducing more veggies into my diet. I know it’s not enough at the moment, but it’s been a start…

Guarding my heart –

One thing I realized over the last year is how easy I trust when I need a support system. I’ve talked about this a little bit before and more recently, but you can’t thrive while you’re abroad without people that get you. Without having a team of people who are cheering you on.

And I’m starting to look for and notice the red flags as they appear. I was told over the summer that I trust people with the details of my life too freely. That I don’t have a circle between really close friends and acquaintances. So this fresh start with a whole new slew of people was exactly what I needed.

It’s harder than I thought, but there is a reason that people say you can’t be friends with everyone.

The power of routine –

Now, when I say that over the last year routine saved me, I’m not joking. There is something so comforting in being able to control the chaos in the midst of uncertainty. My routines were not strict, but were what I needed in that particular season.

I used to hate the idea of being tethered down to a schedule. To a to-do list. To anything that didn’t allow me freedom or flexibility.

But what I grew to learn was actually the opposite. Routine is actually the thing that gives you that freedom and flexibility. Having a solid routine allows you to think about things outside of your day-to-day duties.

Honestly, if you’re someone who has somehow managed to go through a whole entire year without building ANY routine whatsoever, you’re a unicorn and I don’t believe you exist.

That my mental health is weaker than I thought –

For a while I was taking anti- depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Annnnd even though I stopped a little after my birthday last year, I continually have to talk myself off of various (figurative) ledges.

I’ve developed severe social anxiety and find myself finding depressive thoughts on a daily basis. It’s a large part of why I work all the time. Or why most of the things I watch have to be happy or end happily.

My mental health literally cannot take those negative thoughts and energy. I will quite literally spiral if I do. Now, I find it important to note that I’ve never been and am in no way a harm to myself. But my mind is dark. really dark. and sometimes it’s just really hard to find light.

I had started seeing a therapist right before I moved from Thailand and was supposed to find someone once I had settled in Malaysia. That… hasn’t happened yet, but it’s actually on my to-do list for this week. So… wish me luck, y’all.

Now, we have to end on a good note. So like any good teacher I’ve sandwiched the lessons with highlights and hopes. I’ll never turn down a reason to celebrate a new beginning.

Soo… was I going to write about the hopes I have for my last year in my 20’s? Fuck yes I am.

The hopes I have for my 29th year:

(in no particular order)

• to love my body and feel strong again
• publish something for sale on the internet
• to have more good days than bad
• become a pro with my instant pot!
• create a better balance between work, play, and sleep
• put more effort on socials
• go on a few first dates

It would honestly bring me the most joy to be able to complete all of these. Yes, even the going on a few dates ones. I mean, I should be able to socialize at some point this year right????

Lastly, like any good personal development addict, I have a focus word for this last year of my twenties. This year, it’s OVERCOME.

If you’ve made it this far, I want to thank you for supporting me by reading this blog or following me on any platform. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to celebrate with some of you for my 30th… 🙂

Until next year…

-Ari

Some of my favorite photos from this last year:

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